i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize