i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
