Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
