Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
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They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
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While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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