i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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