I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
