After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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