Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm just crazy horny about you
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
