he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
