Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize