Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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