why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
