ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
