Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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