ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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