I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
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she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
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I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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