Don't you send me to vm
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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