When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
