smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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