If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
