I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
