This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
