So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
