how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
