for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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