He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
it's like iHOP with fire
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
