I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
40s are totally the cure
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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