omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
