It's just like the Real World with babies
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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