dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
