Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
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New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
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Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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