are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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