I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I have tasted many bathrooms
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
