I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
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his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
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will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.