DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
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I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
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They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.