You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.