theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.