You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
