I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
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Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
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I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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