I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
