haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
