i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
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He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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