Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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