you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
