Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
