Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
