so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize