Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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