Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
