How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
