Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
