So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
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