He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
