Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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