Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
