Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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