yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
