Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
