it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
