u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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