Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
