Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
