So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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