Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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