I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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